Heartbreak Aubade
Ayesha Raees
A grilled sandwich
at 5 a.m. is a friend.
I charred it.
Ash in my chew.
But still
a friend.
I am aware of all
strange thoughts.
Like how my man
was not a man.
But a clown.
And never a friend.
The moon
was not skinny
the last time I looked up.
It was a hinged croissant
that turned my hunger
into a high.
My favorite thoughts
are ones with revised recalls;
paintbrush in tap, linseed oil,
green & blue ocean & peacock,
jasmine bush, moth breaking
gaze in a parking lot full of traffic lights–
all
of everything
that has something
to do
with you.
I miss
the mud smell
the rain left on our skin
when you walked me the opposite
direction of your own home.
And the way you turned and scoffed
at another clown’s catcall.
The humidity had turned
my hair into a full nest
that never cradled
any eggs.
A body
without birdsong
left behind in an aftertaste
of burning;
coaled toast
on a salting tongue
at daybreak.
at 5 a.m. is a friend.
I charred it.
Ash in my chew.
But still
a friend.
I am aware of all
strange thoughts.
Like how my man
was not a man.
But a clown.
And never a friend.
The moon
was not skinny
the last time I looked up.
It was a hinged croissant
that turned my hunger
into a high.
My favorite thoughts
are ones with revised recalls;
paintbrush in tap, linseed oil,
green & blue ocean & peacock,
jasmine bush, moth breaking
gaze in a parking lot full of traffic lights–
all
of everything
that has something
to do
with you.
I miss
the mud smell
the rain left on our skin
when you walked me the opposite
direction of your own home.
And the way you turned and scoffed
at another clown’s catcall.
The humidity had turned
my hair into a full nest
that never cradled
any eggs.
A body
without birdsong
left behind in an aftertaste
of burning;
coaled toast
on a salting tongue
at daybreak.
Ayesha Raees عائشہ رئیس identifies herself as a hybrid creating hybrid poetry through hybrid forms. Her work strongly revolves around issues of race and identity, G/god and displacement, and mental illness while possessing a strong agency for accessibility, community, and change. Raees currently is a Poetry Editor at AAWW’s The Margins and has received fellowships from Asian American Writers’ Workshop, Brooklyn Poets, and Kundiman. Her debut chapbook “Coining A Wishing Tower” won the Broken River Prize and is published by Platypus Press. From Lahore, Pakistan, she currently shifts between Lahore and New York City.
